


Don’t Abandon Me Now

by Livdonna



Category: Mötley Crüe, The Dirt (2019), The Dirt: Confessions of the World's Most Notorious Rock Band Book - Mötley Crüe & Neil Strauss
Genre: Addiction, Angst, Depression, Emotional Rollercoaster, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, Lots of Crying, Recovery, The heroin diaries, drug overdose, mick is a dad like always, nikki is a hot mess, nikki is a human disaster, save nikki 2k19, tommy is wholesome af, why am i like this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-02
Updated: 2019-11-02
Packaged: 2021-01-20 19:07:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21286709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Livdonna/pseuds/Livdonna
Summary: It felt like a punch in the gut, like his heart was ripped out of his chest and everything was gushing out. He didn't know what to say. He wanted to say something, but he couldn't, so he let Tommy cry onto him, as he let himself feel the guilt, and the shame, and the sadness.
Relationships: Tommy Lee/Nikki Sixx
Comments: 3
Kudos: 29





	Don’t Abandon Me Now

**Author's Note:**

> HELLO I’m back again with some quality depressing sad emotional story writing (because literally everything I write is fucking emotional and sad idk why!). But yup here I am...
> 
> I keep saying I’m embarrassing for writing this shit but then I keep on being impulsive and posting it anyway so YOLO.
> 
> Prepare for angst and feels I guess.
> 
> Bai

The figure in the hospital bed wasn’t Nikki.

It was death.

Tommy didn’t remember Nikki looking this bad when he found him in his room or when he was in the ambulance with him, but with the hospital’s extremely bright lights, every detail was exaggerated.

Nikki was, as Tommy last saw him, unconscious. His body lay lifeless on the bed, with many blankets wrapped around him, because he was shivering. His skin was paler than Tommy had ever seen it, that he thought if he looked closer he would be able to see through it. Along his rail thin arms, were track marks and grotesque bruises, a mixture of greenish yellow, blood red, and brown. There was an IV placed in the crease of his right elbow, and Tommy couldn’t wrap his head around how the doctor’s found a vein to stick it in, as every visible vein had collapsed. On his other arm was a blood pressure cuff, and an oxygen tube up his nose, along with a heart monitor connected to multiple electrodes on his chest. His jet black hair was sticking up in every direction possible, and looked like it hadn’t been washed in days; maybe even weeks. His bangs hung over his face so low, that Tommy almost couldn’t see those beautiful emerald orbs that he knew and loved.

The whole visual sent chills through his whole body, and for a few seconds, he was frozen in place, not being able to move his gaze from Nikki.

The only part of the situation that gave Tommy a glimmer of relief was the sound of the heart monitor, beeping slowly.

He was not alone in this reaction. The minute Vince and Mick walked in, they froze too. Trying to hold back the tears from escaping their eyes was too hard, and they decided to let it be. Soon enough, the three of them had faces that were wet, and eyes that were bloodshot, and breaths that were hitched, but it was okay, because anyone would have the same reaction as them. It was normal to be upset, and distressed, and scared. It was uncomfortable, but it was normal, and they knew it was better to let the emotions out rather than let them build up, just to result into something very maladaptive.

_Hopefully Nikki would learn to be able to do that too,_ Tommy thought.

Not one word was spoken for at least 5 minutes, until the silence was broken by a shaky breath from Tommy.

“I... I guess we could sit down now...”

He let out an awkward laugh, but it just sounded hollow, because there was nothing that could bring him happiness at this moment. Nothing. Nothing would make this okay. As much as he wished this was a dream, he knew it was completely real, and nothing would change the fact that it got this bad. He wished he could go back in time and fix everything. He did, but he knew that there was nothing that he could have done, and it didn’t matter how many times he told himself that. It wouldn’t change the situation that they were in. It wouldn’t change that Nikki had destroyed himself to the point that he was in the hospital to keep him alive. It wouldn’t change the fact that he didn’t know if Nikki even wanted to truly live anymore.

The three of them slowly made their way onto chairs around Nikki’s bed. No one knew what to say or what to think, really. Sometimes there just aren’t words to say.

“I’m... I’m just confused.”

The words blurted out of Tommy’s mouth before he realized that he actually did have the capability to speak. His voice was raw and scratchy from crying so much. Vince put a hand on his back and began rubbing circles into it, shaking his head, desperately trying to think of something to say. All he could do is provide comfort. Mick did the same. They all just needed each other right now, and if all they could do is comfort each other, it was okay.

Silence filled the room again. All that was heard was Tommy’s ragged breathing, until...

“I just don’t get it!”

Vince and Mick looked up to see Tommy with his eyes wide, and hands covering his face in fists. Mick’s grip on his hand got tighter.

“Let it out... Tommy, it’s okay. You can be angry.”

Tommy was sobbing now, not even making any effort to stop himself. His breaths were hitched and shallow, and his throat felt raw. He felt like all he had been doing was crying for the past month, and he just wanted it to stop. He was sick of it.

_Suck it up._

He flinched.

_Shut up._

After a few minutes of straight out crying, Tommy lifted his head, and just stared. He just stared at the white room, at Nikki in the bed, at Vince and Mick’s concerned faces. He wanted to speak, but only one small word was able to come out of his mouth.

“Why.”

His voice sounded small and scared. All he wanted was answers. He slowly moved his chair closer to Nikki’s bed, so he was right next to him, and he could rub his hands through his hair, and just talk to him, even though he was sleeping.

“Fuck... Nikki... why...”

He sighed, shook his head, and continued, his voice muffled with tears and near a whisper.

“You have so many people that care about you.”

He took a breath, and leaned in closer.

“I just don’t want to lose you.”

  * * *

When Tommy opened his eyes, and saw that he was still in the white, sterile, hospital room, he realized that he fell asleep and stayed overnight. Vince and Mick were still curled up, asleep in their chairs on the other side of the room.

It was when he became aware of the beeping of the heart monitor, that the memories flooded back into his mind and reality hit him like a pile of bricks.

He sighed and looked at Nikki, who was still asleep.

_They must have given him strong meds_, he thought.

He stared into space for a few minutes before realizing how exhausted he actually was, and slowly drifted off once again, hoping his mind would be granted some peace.

  * * *

“Hey... Nikki...”

“You’re okay, Sixx... Can you open your eyes?”

He felt someone rubbing through his hair, and someone holding his hand.

He used all of his strength to slowly open his eyes. His vision was blurry, and it took a few seconds for it to adjust. When it did, his eyes were met with Tommy’s concerned face. Vince and Mick were on the other side of him with the same facial expression.

So many thoughts were going through Nikki’s head.

_How the fuck did I get here? I don’t remember getting here. Why the hell am I here? Fuck. I need to get outta here._

_Fuck. _

_Shit. _

_No!_

His thoughts were interrupted by Tommy’s voice.

“You’re not going anywhere, dude.”

He hadn’t realized he said all of that out loud.

He tried to lift his head once again, but he came to realize that he couldn’t because his body was far too weak. He hadn’t realized how exhausted he really was until now. His mind was flooded, but he felt completely numb at the same time. He tried to lift his hand, but he got a stinging sensation. He didn’t need to look to know that he was hooked up to an IV... the sensation of a needle in his arm was way too familiar to him. All he wanted to do in that moment was pull the damn thing out, and he didn’t hesitate to try.

“Don’t Fucking do it, Sixx.”

His hand was moved away quickly, by Mick, who was giving him a look like a protective mother.

Nikki groaned, and used his strength to try to speak.

He was shocked to hear how raspy his voice was, and that’s when he was really aware of how much everything hurt.

“You just woke up from a Fucking overdose, it’s keeping you alive, asshole.”

_Well... THAT explains things... and of course that blonde fucker is as dramatic as ever... But still... why does HE fucking care? He probably wishes I was still dead._

That’s when he felt something in his nose, and he reached his hand up to touch it. He grimaced in disgust, confused.

“What the fuck is that?”

He wanted to pull that out too.

Tommy’s soothing voice answered the question for him.

“It’s an oxygen tube... Don’t mess with it, Sixx...”

Nikki was holding back tears now, because he didn’t want to be in the stupid hospital, and he didn’t know WHY he was there, and he didn’t NEED to be there—-“

He squeezed his eyes shut.

“I don’t NEED this stupid thing. I do—-“

He was cut off by Vince.

“For once in your life Sixx, accept the goddamn help! Look, I know we’re not always on the best of terms, but despite your assumptions I actually give a fuck about you...”

He paused, as he felt a tear roll down his cheek.

“... so please, just leave the damn thing alone.”

Nikki was speechless after that.

  * * *

After a period of very awkward and uncomfortable silence, Tommy spoke up, as he leaned in closer to Nikki.

“How are you feeling?”

How was he feeling, really?”

“Fucking dead.”

He could hear exasperated groans coming from Vince’s mouth.

“That’s not fucking funny, Sixx.”

  * * *

“Sixx, do you know why you’re here?”

Were they actually gonna tell him now? He really didn’t remember a thing besides shooting up, but how much of a surprise was that? He shook his head.

Mick looked at Tommy, who looked like he was about to cry. He nodded and took a deep breath, squeezing Nikki’s hand.

“Do...” Tommy’s voice cracked, and he stopped himself and tried to pull himself together before having to relive the night before. “Do you have any idea... how scared I am right now?”

His voice was small, and sounded tired. Nikki suddenly felt a pang of guilt. Not only guilt, but shame.

He was putting Tommy in pain.

“I... I found you sprawled across your bedroom floor...”. His voice was shaking, “unconscious.. with blood dripping from your arm...”. He knew it was going to be hard to hold in the crying, so he just let it be, and soon enough a son escaped his lips. “You weren’t breathing...”

He was completely sobbing at this point, and all Nikki wanted to do was fix everything. This was all his fault. Everything was always his fault. He destroyed people, and he destroyed relationships, and he destroyed lives, and he destro——

“Your body couldn't handle it any-more, Nikki!”

Tommy’s grip on Nikki’s hand grew tighter, and he leaned in closer, voice completely shaking and hushed.

"You almost died..."

He kissed his forehead, and Nikki leaned into his touch, tears beginning to escape his own eyes. He saw that Vince and Mick were both crying too.

"God Nik... I just don't want to lose you."

It felt like a punch in the gut, like his heart was ripped out of his chest and everything was gushing out. He didn't know what to say. He wanted to say something, but he couldn't, so he let Tommy cry onto him, as he let himself feel the guilt, and the shame, and the sadness.

"Sixx... I LOVE YOU. I can't let you die..." 

Tommy couldn't understand himself but he hoped Nikki could understand him through his tears. He just needed to get it across to him.

"...I can't let it happen to you. I can't let you keep doing this to yourself."

That's when the emotions hit him harder than ever, and he sobbed.

**Author's Note:**

> fml I’m ridiculous
> 
> If u liked this like be honest (I like validation) lolololol Sorry k bye


End file.
